Grandma Doris

Well... It's about Christmas time... No it is Christmas time... And your not here again... I hate that I had to say goodbye to you! I miss you so much! I haven't got to spend a Christmas with you since 2008... There is so much about you that I can never forget! You have an amazing heart that should have never stopped beating, you have an amazing voice that would never quit, you have an amazing smile that I will never forget! We have so many memories that will always be held in my heart!

My best friend, DeyJa had her 15 a few weeks ago, and when we where at the church her grandpa walked her great grandma down the isle to congradulate her. All I could think about is you. DeyJa is lucky to have her GREAT grandma still here. If you where still here I would spend anytime that I could with you!

That's the mistake I made before you left... I refused to go see you. I really wanted to! I promise grandma I did! I just didn't like seeing you in pain. Everytime I saw you, it seemed like you just got worse and worse. I was 5th grade when you passed. I was having a really hard time. I already got held back once and didn't want it to happen again. Anytime mom or dad would ask me if I wanted to go see you, I would say no. After they left I would sit and cry. I knew I was going to have to say goodbye soon. I just didnt know when. It was about spring time. I had to go on a camping trip for school. I didn't want to go! I knew something bad was going to happen when I was gone. The first day of the trip was alright. I had a stupid little 5th grade crush on this kid Dawson... I asked him out the first day an was all happy cause he was acting like he was going to say yes. The next day came.. I woke up crying! I knew something was wrong! I thought it was just that Dawson said no... I let it go. I went to bed that night really sad. I was homesick! I wanted to go see my grandma! At this point I felt bad for leaving with out saying bye. The next day I woke up crying again. I thought it was about Dawson again. So I just tryed to let it go. Everybody know that something was wrong. I wouldnt smile for anybody. I just wanted the day to pass so I could go home and see my grandma, give her a big hug an kiss. We got back to the school an I called my mom. She came an got me. I was out on the play ground when she came so I didn't notice her. She was talking to my teachers, telling them what happened while I was gone. She saw my stuff, grabed half of it then saw me. Yelled "Jessy, get the rest of your stuff an lets go!"
I ran up to her, gave her a hug an asked "Mommy, I feel bad for not going and seeing grandma before I left. Can we go see her please?" My mom just looked at me... I was really confused about what just happened. She picked up my stuff and walked to the car. I went and grabed the rest of my stuff an went to the car. She looked at me. I saw a tear running down her face.
"Hunny, Grandma is no longer with us... She passed aways yesterday"
I didn't believe her. I said ok an left it. That night I went home an cryed myself to sleep. I felt like I caused her pain! I was the one that took her life! I refused to go and see her so I put everything on me!

Ever since that day I regret not going an seeing her. I miss her more and more everyday! Without her I feel like I have nobody to really talk to any more. I would talk to my family, but I can't talk to them the same way I could talk to her. I wish you where back to be able to spend Christmas with us. Oh yeah. I still remember that day you came to my school to read us books when I was in 2nd grade. That puppet you had, Mis Twinkle Toe's? Yeah I still have her! Shes hanging on my wall. I say I love you to her everyday and think of you. I'm drawing her out right now, I'm going to get her tattoo on me, just for you. You will always be in our hearts ! From day one till the end and more. We love you Grandma Doris Scheeley. You will always be missed.<3

R.I.P O5/13/2O12 <'3